The big fool says to push on



UPDATE: Props to Dick’s Sporting Goods Store. Fuck these twisted gun loving assholes.

Another beautiful morning in El Gouna, Egypt, far away from the crazy ass shithole known as Amreeka.

So the gun thing is going nowhere.
That’s fine.
We are all good, God-loving, law-abiding people here.
We love our kids so so much we want insane people to be able to kill them, no problemo.
How can you not see the logic in that?
This is what Freedom is all about.

Truth to power. Uranium One. Lock her up. Ben Ghazi. Crisis actors. Fake Jews. Fake Republican Negroes. Ruthless lobbyists. The swamp. 666, DACA. Chain migration. Rupert the Dark Invader. Gun show loopholes. And Mrs, Landis teaching English needs to pack heat. It’s all good. Jared’s on the spin case, but now he can’t read the morning reports. It’s okay; Bibi will lend him his copy.

It is completely normal to love guns, to fondle guns, to jerk off while holding a gun, to suck the end of gun barrel till it goes click (tip of the hair net to The Jesus), to buy as many of them as possible. This is all normal. There is nothing wrong when any of this. Some people even want to marry guns. This is very American.

My fellow Americans. we need more guns. Bigger guns. Better guns, Sexier guns. We need to be able to buy guns in bars, the airport, subways, movie theaters, and of course children’s playgrounds.

Bigger is better, and don’t even think of saying that all guy gun owners are nothing more than swishy closet cases. Oh, and let’s not forget, nona sequitoris, we need to bomb the shit out of Arabs from here to Eternity. Meanwhile, England appears to be dying. But at least the US military and its various unsavory associates are living even better now off the fatted tax-base calf. Sequi toris.


For some reason, I have never felt the need to own a gun, that is to say, a mussadis, or hanker to patrol the grounds with a bundo’iyya (rifle) strapped on my back or on my shoulder like some Assiuti ghaffeer.

Owning a gun would not make me some fuerte Big Important Guy.

Shooting defenseless animals does not translate to a macho dude.

Gun owners, you are so sick in the head you don’t even realize how bad it is with your twisted, warped view of How Life Is. Like this floozy, you live in a very dark place indeed. May a Midnight Special never come near you and yours.

I ain’t got nothing but love, babe.

leaving america


“All of my friends have a ring on their finger
they have someone
Someone to care for them, it ain’t fair, I got no one.”
Jeff Fortgang, Some guys have all the Luck

I’m becoming fluent again in Arabic, my father’s language.

All those years stolen from me when I could have spoken it, but instead it was replaced by something else, something foreign, not Egyptian. Even the air I breathe here is better.

I was sitting with some people in Abu Tig at a restaurant and then a couple showed up.

The guy talked to a friend of his, but the woman looked at me and said you look Egyptian. Finally I’m no longer a Mister.

Where are you from? I replied, and she said Lebanon. We talked and I enjoyed listening to her speak, using the word “hoan” — the Levantine assal accent, like honey poured over a Cedar branch in a torched Beiruti nightclub.

You are not Lebanese, I said.  Inti felesteeniya, mish kidda, wa’lla eh?

She looked at me again, her eyes glistening in the dark.

Wi mallo? she said.

Let me ask you, I said in Arabic, do you like to swim?

Yes I swim all the all time, she said.

In the Mediterranean?

Where else?

When was the last time you swam there?

She was about to chance a flirty answer, but then her boyfriend noticed and he took her by the arm and said nice meeting you and they left but not before she looked back at me as they left. I haven’t been looked at like that in a long time. Those daily pushups by the pool must be having some effect.

If I had stayed in Egypt when I was young, I probably would have married a Lebanese girl, or two.

We might have gotten along swimmingly.

We might have spoken mannered, beautiful French. I would have told her about Montazah Palace, and Aida beach, where I used to swim. I would have bragged stupidly that the DNA that built the Pyramids is within me, that a Royal cartouche should never be turned into a cartoon.

I would have.

To both of them.

leaving america



This morning I watched this. If your eyes tear up when hearing it, you are Egyptian. If you understand it, but nothing happens, ‘yekhreib beitak. Lyrics are below, in Arabic.

حاسس بتوتر والامن مش مستبب
قلبي بيدق بسرعة دب دب
يا تري دخلت في “باد تريب” ولا البلد دي قلبت سرك
السقف الانبهار فيها فرتك “الترينج”
في كل خطوة بتموت حتة في قلبي
الناس في الشارع شبه الزومبي
والعالم حوالينا بيجري واحنا لسة علينا بدري
عايشين وبنقاوح
في العصر الحجري
انا مش هستغرب لو شفت ديناصور او بطريق
علي الناصية وبيسكور
انا مش هستغرب لو شفت ديناصور او بطريق
علي الناصية وبيسكور
جريت من الديناصور ورحت لأبو الهول
خبطت عليه صحيته من سبعة الاف سنة نوم
حكيتله عن حالنا وأحولانا واللي وصلنا له في زمنا
وعن قد ايه احنا اتبهدلنا واتهنا،من اثر الصدمة
أبو الهول
جاتله جلطة وضغط
وشلل رعاش من الاوباش الي خلوها ما تسواش
قلتله امسك نفسك ارجوك متسبناش
اخر كلمة قلهالي بحسرة وتحفظ شديد
اجري ياد من هنا روح العب بعيد
دنا لو لا دماغي الي ساحت
و مناخيري اللي راحت
كنت سمعتك صوت جديد
انا مش هستغرب لو شفت ديناصور او بطريق
علي الناصية وبيسكور
انا مش هستغرب لو شفت ديناصور او بطريق
علي الناصية وبيسكور
بقلب في القنوات عشان اقتل الوقت والملل
نفس النفاق نفس الفساد نفس الغباء والهبل
علي قفانا بياكلوا عيش
واللي يطبل يعيش
الأقرع بيقول نفس كلام أبو شعر كنيش
بيجيبوا الي فيهم فينا
بعد ما باعوا أراضينا
قال ايه بيقولوا علينا شباب معندوش انتماء
والمذيع بيقول مآآء ونفس الإسكتش بيتعاد
والكفتة يا ناس بقت علاج،وتَحيّا مصر تلات مرات
انا مش هستغرب لو شفت ديناصور او بطريق
علي الناصية وبيسكور
انا مش هستغرب لو شفت ديناصور او بطريق
علي الناصية وبيسكور
انا مش هستغرب
لو شفت ديناصور او بطريق
علي الناصية وبيسكور
انا مش هستغرب لو شفت ديناصور او بطريق
علي الناصية وبيسكور
انا مش هستغرب


I cannot listen to the live performance of Dinosaur as performed by Cairokee and not feel the power that is still there after everything that has happened it is still there in their voices they know all the words on the streets the zombies and the penguins score how unexpected that american street drug slang migrated to egyptian arabic but abu’l haul the sphinx still there after 7000 years and excuse me while we’re on the subject who the fuck is Haul let alone his father so is he over there who is he anyways as my heart goes deb deb deb where are you abu’l haul what happened to your nose no it will not go away we will not go away it is not useless yes I played this to some yuzbashas who were lunching at 7th Star in Gouna they listened they did not hear it maybe it’s that dinosaurs have no ears maybe they are deaf maybe inside they are dead you know in German the word for Arabic is Arabisch it is pronounced A-ra-bish not Arab bitch but it might as well be Arab Leck mich am Arsch then there’s Dinosaur a refutation a rap about Egyptians no longer being Arab bitches not to anyone ever again but then you also have to remember that Wilt Chamberlain slept with 20,000 women and now he’s dead so there’s that irrelevancy just to throw you off but if you are an Egyptian a real Egyptian not some fake pseudo Egyptian there is always ah-ha aha aha aha aha to everything the cry of resistance to all dinosaur ideas maybe maybe or maybe it’s just salata’ el kalam.

leaving america