Focus

Little Blue heron

Little blue heron in a nearby park

It was my fault.  I should have checked. been more careful, but a number of unusual factors caused me to miss a crucial doctor’s appointment.

This is probably going to prove very costly, as I will have to pay for having missed the appointment — insurance does not pay for fuckups.  It could amount to hundreds of dollars.

Yes, there are excuses, extenuating circumstances, explanations as to why this happened. Nobody gives a shit about excuses.

The upshot is I fucked up, at a time when I’m running out of Synthroid, and need to have my annual blood work done.

All this now all has to wait until 8:30 in the morning, which is when I can call the doctor’s office, and face the music.  I most likely will not be able to schedule another appointment for weeks, if not months. (Addendum: See note at bottom of post, as to what actually happened!)

I am really pissed off about this. My blood pressure is 155/85 and I am absolutely livid, as I cannot tolerate moronic f**kups of this nature, no matter what.

There are endless distractions in my life, but like everyone else, have to find a way to deal with them.

Which brings me to the topic of this post: focus.

I started yesterday on my so-called beast mode drive to lose 15 lbs in 35 days. Yesterday was successful in that regard.

I did some weight lifting and stomach crunches and Tai Chi balance exercises on my Yoga mat.

Then I had a little yogurt with Florida honey and a dusting of cinnamon oat cluster with flax seeds. Then I had a small bowl of raw almonds, and drank plenty of water. Earlier, I had coffee and then tea with 1 packet of raw brown sugar with a drop of Half and Half.

Probably consumed well under 500 calories yesterday, when I am allowed 1800.

Result? I suddenly weight 220 lbs, instead of 225.   It is hard to explain such a dramatic weight loss in one day: who loses 5-8 lbs within 24 hours? (Correction: the Publix scale still says 225 lbs, when I went the next morning to buy beef bones to make home made broth — which I am making with okra as part of the background flavor this time, instead of the standard mirepoix) to get that collagen action going.)

On a side note, you really have to watch out for yogurt.

I never knew how much sugar they cram into the low-fat versions, and I had to throw away an entire unopened Dannon container that I bought this weekend because it has over 23 g of sugar per serving.;

There are lots of silent little enemies like that: who knew pizza has 300 calories per slice?

Currently I weigh 100 kg. At 188 centimeters, my BMI is now 28.3 — overweight, yes, but some distance away now from obese.

It rained all day yesterday.  I was trapped in the house, not able to go out except to put down the mulch I bought for the yard, trim the hanging Purslane basket in the back porch, and clean out the freezer.

The day was unfocused, unsplendid.

Too many distractions.

Then this potentially very costly missed doctor appointment.

I am resisting the impulse to blame everyone but myself.

It is 1:35 am on May 15th 2018 as I type this.

I have just had some tea, after waking up following 4 hours sleep.  I sleep little these days, and tend to be up much of the night. Then I had a hard boiled brown egg, a small slice of Feta cheese, and a few Calamata black olives with a drop of Tunisian olive oil.

Because of my absolute revulsion at the sight of those disgusting hanging mammaries and that revolting bloated stomach that I saw in the pic a friend took of me on my SUP paddle board on Saturday morning (see yesterday’s post), I am going to spend the next hour torching my chest and muscles.

Currently I’m doing three sets of 12 flat presses and 12 flat fly reps, using 20 lb barbells.

Incline mat

I repeat using an improvised incline bench (I use a regular pillow on top of a flipped over backrest on a Yoga mat). I alternate reps with leg lifts, as I hold on to the dumbbells (to minimize the chance of damaging my lower back), then I finish with triangle push ups that I change to regular push ups by splitting my palms further apart.

Still can’t do situps or crunches properly with good form to save my life, but I’m working on that.

As always I throw in 20 or 30 bicep curls, as well as 10 behind-the-head triceps extensions (using a 30 lb barbell, just to keep the arm firming going.

I simply refuse to look like a fat old man any more.  I will not stop until I bend my body to my will.

I shall not rest until this is accomplished.  I would rather rot in my grave than look like this any longer.  This is not me; it is not who I am; and I reject this obscenely obese, unwelcome stranger who has invaded my body.

I have also vowed to myself that I can never again allow myself to lose focus and make costly and idiotic mistakes…. ever again– no matter the circumstances.

Losers say oh it’s so fucking difficult to stay focused when the world is a constant sea of chaos.

Fuck that.

At age 66, no one expects me to have a shredded body; particularly since I have never seriously exercised my entire life. They expect a doddering old shithead with memory problems who relies on Google to paper over his creeping dementia.

Double fuck that shit.

I will prove it can be done:  that one can go from 270 lbs to 185 in a year, and stay there.

With each day that passes, I shall focus more intensely on ALL the goals I have set for myself at this stage of my life.  No just losing weight, but other things besides.

And now enough dicking around: it’s time to pump some light iron with a sense of controlled fury.

Time to inform that girlie tit chest that its days of embarrassing me and making me feel like a weirdo piece of shit everywhere I go are fucking over.

I shall prevail.

213 lbs.

198 lbs.

185.

Beast mode.

For real.

No excuses.

UPDATE:  I managed this morning to reschedule the Doc appt for Monday, @ 7:40AM, no problemo, and I don’t have to pay a cancellation fee! Life is grand again.

leaving america

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