Falling into place

XVG
a screenshot of the design space of XVG, the app I’m building

Last 2 weeks, my back gave, as did my comp — oddly enough, both desktop and the display died at the same time. I’ve gabbed enough about my back problems in prior posts, so no more of that. Beata Maria Virgo Perdolens begone:  the zounds of the flesh are now mostly in the past — though I am looking forward to being in receipt of the Delta 8 package sometime like soon, man, and transport myself to some entirely higher plane of consciousness.

I set up my new comp yesterday in the monk’s cell / study where I generally lurk. It’s a Dell XPS 8940 with an i5 processor, Intel UHD Graphics 630 card with shared graphics memory, 16 GB of RAM and 1TB HDD storage capacity.

The monitor is a brand new 27″ HP QHP 27mq with IPS and QHD. I think Quad HD makes sense, given the scaling issues that come up, still, with 4K monitors.

This new display has 4 times the resolution of the one that just died, so I am a happy camper. But I predict I’ll be tempted to get a UHD at some point in the coming year as a second display.

So for those of you who are curious to know, here is what my study / hermit’s cell looks like these days. Indeed, this is THE VERY PLACE where I write this blog, think, sleep, code, meditate, and watch movies or TV when not otherwise busy — as well as practice endless mental tahlees.

bookcase
One of two bookcases in this hermit’s cell
desktop and desktop monitor
My desk
GSD
My dog
egyptian flag
A custom replica I had made of the royal Egyptian flag. That is me in the pic by the Gezira Club Lido when I was about 14 or so.
travel gear
My travel gear. I travel light, no suitcases, and have my gear always at the ready
dell xps
My JBL Charger 3 atop my XPS. I use it as an external speaker, connected to the XPS via Bluetooth

This may not look impressive, but it is all that I need in terms of physical living space, together with the ensuite bathroom which also has a shower. 20 years ago, I lived in a million dollar house in Greenwich CT on a manicured acre of land that I planted with native wildflowers and beautiful evergreens that I never got to see mature. I thought I would raise a family there. I thought my wife and I would grow old together in that house, after having lived in cramped Manhattan apartments for 15 years.

gsd puppy
My wife with Attaturk on the kitchen floor of the Greenwich house

Well…that didn’t happen. So it goes. The headwinds of cyclical rootlessness prevailed. I burned in two months then what I live in on now for a year. Living below the poverty line for years has had a way of removing most of my more fanciful delusions, the ones that told me that friends and family truly cared and that in the end, people are basically good and you can find someone other than yourself to trust if you look hard enough. If feeling embittered can be avoided — and this is no easy thing for me — then not caring if you lose your material trifles — or your mind in a ditch — or your erstwhile friends in a lurch — can be enormously liberating: a big fuck you to everything the swells think is important, or that which society dangles as some reward: a prize, recognition, money, power…. and the rest of it.

That is why my “Che” US army shoulder bag — same as the one I took with me to Paris at age 20 — and  Filson duffel always hang on the door, ready to be packed with a passport or two, some money, and  a few simple items of clothing, all at a moment’s notice…falling in place is just as easy as falling out of place — becoming once again the universal Bedouin, the wandering Arab, the bina yallah Man — and either option is equally rewarding, if timed right, for the days of score settling and disappointment and uncertainty and personal humiliation are now finally over. Rira bien qui rira le dernier — mais sans amertume.

Finally, lest you are feeling pity and perhaps even a touch of disdain for this pauvre type loser, a petit con mesquin (which is derived from the Arabic maskeen: i.e., poor), seemingly trapped in perpetuity in some swampy,  impoverished Florida oubliette, may I mention, Alphonso, that I can — and do — console myself in the view, such as the one this morning from the back porch of my crib. Hélas!

duck
A dawn most fowl

leaving america

3 thoughts on “Falling into place

  1. Nice new setup! Also loved the bookcase. Those are sadly getting rarer these days. Are you a friend of Bill W.?

  2. I was deeply involved in various Manhattan groups on the UWS and the Upper East Side, too, for many years — since ’86 actually — after I decided I did not want my life to be over in my mid 30s. Much later, in Florida, I found that they generally twisted AA into some sort of horrifying right wing evangelical, semi-educated, white-only society — so I parted ways with their insufferable version of a fellowship that literally saved my life, back in the day when I was penniless and lost. The book you see on that shelf is an original 1955 Second Edition — even tho the dust jacket says Third Edition. I also have a large-format copy of Bill’s original manuscript, showing all the corrections that were made.

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