For No One

fla beach
A once-favorite FL beach that I revisited on June 5, 2022

Just returned to FL from NY.

Westchester street
A view of the street from my front stoop in NY

Love the real trees and grass of my neib, as opposed to the ugly scrub that blankets much of Southern Fla.  So, yeah, I’m looking forward to going back to civilization, shortly after July 4th.

Yesterday, I went to a wildlife nature preserve in FL where I’ve often lingered, over the last 20 years — primarily to escape from reality by drinking beer with the sandpipers and looking at the osprey flying overhead, whilst continuing to fantasize about the many great novels I would write.

Have not been there in a year, even though this beach is only 15 minutes away by car from my house.

Sad what’s happened to it (see annotations in the beach pic, above).

That said, I’m feeling pretty good about things these days.

I just spend a month fixing up the pied-à-terre in Westchester, as well as taking care of final executor duties for my late mother’s estate.

Things are coming along.

I noticed that my blood pressure has dropped by 30 points, while up there, whereas during this past year I have often flirted with stroke territory as my mother was dying.

I’ve managed to lose 15 lbs. this past month; fifteen away from my interim weight goal by mid summer. Following that, thirty more by, say, this time next year:  I will then have reached the ideal weight for my height.

How am I managing this?

Well, apart from no ice cream, no huge second portions, and keeping active physically, I’m gradually letting go of most of the stuff that once bothered me, kind of immensely.  That is probably the most important aspect of my difficult journey back to looking and feeling like myself again.

Spent a lot of time in May reading books, watching Eckhart Tolle vids, or just chilling out.

I’ve tried to disassociate from the world at large.

Instead, I focus on what matters personally to me, no matter how ostensibly trivial, such as finally reading from cover to cover the many arcane books that have gathered dust and cobwebs in my personal library collection over the years.

I don’t useless invest any impotent emotion in things that I do not directly control.

If I come across the sorts of people I find toxic, I simply walk away or place them on ignore.  It is surprising how effective and easy this is to do.

I make it a point not to obsess over cable news shows that incessantly talk about an America or a world that is about to burn down.

As a result, the sense of unyielding disgust with — and contemptuous disappointment in — others is beginning to lift.

Moreover, I deliberately have slowed everything down.

In the morning, for example, around maybe 6am, I might sit for half an hour going over what I need to do that day, or emptying my mind and thinking of nothing at all.  No more re-watching Tiny Dancer on YouTube, morning Breakfast of Champions in hand, ridiculously maudlin tears streaming down my cheeks.

I am committed to continuing along what is essentially a late-in-life recovery from crippling money-related anxiety and age-driven physical decline.

And I’m doing it to please no-one but me, as in…

me

Me

Me!

After a lifetime of self-inflicted disappointment and morose feelings of never quite measuring up,  it’s about time.
leaving america

 

 

 

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